


Wherever You Find Love, It Feels Like Christmas

by lovethatwewerein



Category: Glee
Genre: M/M, Mentioned Kurt Hummel, Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-09
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-02-26 03:00:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 15,180
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21736471
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lovethatwewerein/pseuds/lovethatwewerein
Summary: “What do you mean you’re spending Christmas alone? You can’t.”“Why can’t I, Killer?"Without thinking it through, but knowing he didn’t want to lose a second of the short time they’d already had, Blaine blurted out, “Spend Christmas with me.”
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Sebastian Smythe
Comments: 16
Kudos: 67





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a Christmas story I decided to write based on a Tumblr request I saw from @mrstotten.   
> Title taken from 'Feels like Christmas' from The Muppets Christmas Carol.

He heaved a sigh as it was announced that his flight was delayed yet again. This year hadn’t been his year, despite deciding that it would be last New Years, and being late for Christmas because of an unpredicted snowstorm. For 4 hours, he’d been cooped up in this airport, waiting for the moment the storm calmed enough that they’d be able to fly to Ohio. For months, he’d thrown himself into planning to make this the best Christmas for his family since his accident in freshman year of high school, and everything was catapulted off schedule due to something so trivial as heavy snow. 

In all fairness, it was slightly more than just heavy snow. It was near impossible to distinguish any airplanes through the fall of it, and there was no shortage of planes on the tarmac, since none of them could fly in this weather. He’d contented himself with coffees, mince pies and cookies for hours, taking in the crowds that flowed in, filling the airport more than should be allowed. There were so many different people spread around the building that he took his time to observe those he could see over the last few hours. 

There was a group of middle-aged women giggling over glasses of white wine, reminding him somewhat of his mother when their gazes lingered on people much younger and fitter than them. In the corner, hidden slightly behind a book probably bigger than it should be for someone so small, sat a blonde girl with pigtails next to who he assumed to be her father. At the end of the bar, nearest to the entry so he could peak in, stood a young man, all long limbs and chestnut hair, observing the people around him similarly to Blaine. 

It was safe to assume that they were around the same age, the slight colour in his cheeks giving away his youth despite their difference in height. There was something in his figure, the way he held himself and the almost unnoticeable feigned indifference that was eerily familiar to Blaine, as though he had known the man far longer than these few moments he’d spent staring. The recognition that stemmed from the back of his mind grew steadily as the minutes passed, as the barmaid handed over a glass of amber liquid with a wink, only to flush a deep red seconds later. It was rare for Blaine to see someone incur that reaction so suddenly, and that boy was a part of his past, nothing to him any longer. 

The itch of his curiosity burned the longer he focused on the man, determined to find out if Blaine truly knew him, or if the deep part of him that longed to be with someone he knew right now was causing him to imagine it. There’d been alarm bells ringing in his head since the second he latched his focus onto the other man, a distant ringing that reminded him of Kurt’s yelling whenever he mentioned Mike or Jake. Erring on the side of caution, the side that had kept him from staying with Kurt any longer, he made his way to the restroom, the effects of 3 medium drips in an hour finally taking precedent. 

Washing his hands, he resolutely came to the decision to leave it well enough alone. There was nothing to come from imagining people from his high school days, even if he had desperately missed them all. Heading back the way he came, he came to a standstill at the sight of the man before him. “Thought I was you checking me out, Killer.” Sebastian Smythe greeted from the wall opposite, leaning in faux disinterest. Blaine blinked rapidly to process the other’s presence. 

“Sebastian, hi,” he stuttered, not sure what to say. The two hadn’t spoken since his proposal to Kurt, and there was awkwardness lingering in the space between them. It was difficult to believe that he’d genuinely stopped talking to this man, the only person who made him feel as though he wasn’t a constant burden, just because Kurt had asked. That said something about how much he had thought of himself at that time, since he doubted Jeff would’ve made Nick stop talking to someone that made him feel so at ease. “How have you been?” 

“Are we really going to make small talk, Blaine? That’s never been us,” Sebastian responded, the echo of a smirk at the corner of his lips. “But I suppose there hasn’t been an us in a long time, has there?” 

Blushing deeply at being called out so carelessly, as though the answer didn’t matter, he stumbled over what to say. It was true that they had been something once, not a couple by any means, but far more to each other than they’d cared to admit to one another, let alone anyone else. There was something to be said about their 3am conversations about if the alignment of stars mattered in the grand scheme of their lives, or if pancakes were better than waffles. He’d always held those private moments, the ones where they admitted how afraid of their parents expectations they were and how relieved they were that the past would stay right where it was, in a higher regard than so many of the conversations he’d had. In a far higher regard than all his conversations with Kurt, and only distantly apart from the conversations he had with his father after coming out. 

“Don’t worry about it. Hummel didn’t want you speaking to me. I get it. My dashing good looks are extremely intimidating to someone who can never hope to live up to them.” Sebastian shrugged, his emerald eyes sparkling the same way they had whenever he’d mocked Nick and Jeff’s extremely PDA-friendly relationship. The comfort he felt at that teasing glint was unexpected, but he welcomed it the way he welcomed his mother’s hugs whenever he went home to visit. “Headed home for Christmas?” 

“Yeah. Cooper’s coming home this year as well so I’m going to be bombarded with questions about settling down. Might as well get it out of the way now.” Blaine replied, shuffling his feet self-consciously. Ever since Cooper had gotten married to Dayna last year, his family had been on his back about finding someone to settle down with. It had been over a year since he and Kurt broke it off and, while they weren’t worried that he wasn’t coping, they were worried that he was taking too long to get himself back in the game. The barrage of questions would only be worsened by his Aunt’s insistence in the matter. 

“Smart man. I got lucky. Dad chose to take his new girlfriend to the Maldives for Christmas, so the house is mine. Figured I’d go back, meet up with a few of the old crowd - see how Nick and Jeff are settling into married life.” Sebastian grinned, making Blaine’s heart flutter slightly at his blase attitude. He smiled back, before he processed everything the taller had said. 

“What do you mean you’re spending Christmas alone? You can’t.” 

“Why can’t I, Killer? It’s not like I care enough about most people to spend it with them. Forgive me for not wanting to celebrate with the newlyweds, or Trent. Trent snores really loudly.” He laughed at his own words, glossing over Blaine’s horror at the idea completely. 

Without thinking it through, but knowing he didn’t want to lose a second of the short time they’d already had, Blaine blurted out, “Spend Christmas with me.”


	2. Chapter 2

“Do what now?” Sebastian asked, eyes wide. It was one of the few times he’d been caught off guard so suddenly, and his usually stoic expression had melted into one of confusion. It had been such a bold suggestion, coming from someone as reserved as Blaine normally was, that he was momentarily shocked. The other man looked as dumbstruck as he felt, blinking rapidly in the face of his own question. 

“Well, I mean, you don’t have to. It’s just a suggestion of course, but we could both benefit from it, you know. What I mean is that, well, you wouldn’t be alone over the holidays, which is fine, but I should think awfully lonely, and there’s a high possibility that if you were there, I wouldn’t get interrogated about settling down since they’d assume you and I were, you know, a thing, and I just…” Blaine let out it in breath, gesticulating wildly to illustrate his point. The second he sucked in a breath to continue, Sebastian grabbed his arms to stop them flailing and him talking. 

“Repeat what you said - slowly. I didn’t catch a word of that, Blaine.” He said, letting go of the shorter’s arms so he could make his point. 

“I was saying that maybe we’d both benefit equally if you came home with me for Christmas. You wouldn’t be alone over the holidays, which is fine, but also kind of depressing, and you being there might keep everyone off my back for a while since they’d probably just assume we’re dating. And I know it’s not what you planned, but it could be a good thing. So… yeah.” He finished lamely, casting his eyes down to the floor. It was polished enough that he could make out his reflection, curls sticking out every which way after choosing to forgo the gel, but not nearly clean enough that he could pretend he was the only one in the airport. His embarrassment meant he could block out the surrounding noise, but there was no mistaking the scuff marks that littered the floor from suitcases being dragged hurriedly across it. 

“Blaine, look at me,” Sebastian muttered softly. He did. “Do you want this because you don’t want me to be lonely or because you don’t want to be lonely?” 

He sucked in a deep breath, mulling over the answer. They both knew what he had really meant. He hadn’t felt complete, whole, in over a year. There’d been a void where Kurt had once been, shaped at an obscure angle to fit, and he wanted nothing more than to replace the cold wind that blew through it with the warmth of a familiar face. Whenever Kurt hadn’t been able to fill that part of him, Sebastian had enveloped him in his comforting scent without question. His silence was all the answer his old friend had needed it seemed, because they both knew him well enough, no matter how much time had passed. 

“Alright. Blaine, I -” Sebastian hesitated, the glimmer of hope Blaine hadn’t dared think about making itself known, working its way from his gut to his throat. “I’ll spend Christmas with you.”   
Blaine leaped at the other, throwing his arms around his neck in relief, stretching himself to do so. He hadn’t dared expect the other to agree, his own selfishness pleading for the affirmative in some back corner of his brain. “I’m only agreeing so I can ogle your arse in chinos again though.” 

Laughing at the normalcy of their situation, despite not having spent considerable time together in years, Blaine let go. “You should be so lucky.” 

The hours passed while they waited. They spoke as if it had been only days since their last conversation. As if Blaine hadn’t been banned from talking to him. As if Sebastian hadn’t almost blinded him. As if the time they wished they could get back, the past that they wished wouldn’t stay put this time around, didn’t exist. They spoke of Sebastian’s travels across France, and Blaine’s off-broadway role last year. Of what Nick and Jeff’s wedding would’ve been like, since neither of them had been able to make it. Of whether waffles or pancakes were better now they were older. They didn’t speak of Kurt, or how callous he had been in coming between them. In what could’ve been if he hadn’t involved himself. 

They came up with their story on the airplane. Blaine, uncomfortable with lying to his family, wanted them to stick as close to the truth as possible. Sebastian, at ease with just the idea of spending time with Blaine, wanted it to be something rather humorous. Blaine got his way, begging with his hazel eyes, to be as honest as he could. Even with years under his belt of resisting temptation when it came to the boy before him, Sebastian was unable to do so when those gleaming hazel eyes, filled with earnest, were aimed at him. He acquiesced to getting as close to the truth as they could without suspicion, providing he could decide on a few select changes. From that point, it was almost too simple to determine their plan. 

They landed in Ohio, story at the ready, to spend Christmas with the Andersons. Sebastian, having barely any experience with the family holiday Blaine had described in excruciating detail, prepared himself for a bombardment of questions. He gave himself up to the idea of barely any privacy, if what he’d been told about Cooper was to be believed, and sneaking peeks at Blaine’s arse whenever he could. Whatever happened, they’d be forced to face it together. That was good enough. 

The drive to the Andersons was quiet, just the low hum of the taxi’s radio filling the silence, while both men processed exactly what they were about to do. It would be perfectly fine if either of them backed out now, they could go back to being near strangers, and no one would be the wiser to what had occurred in the hours since that morning. To the ruse they’d been cooking up since that chance meeting in the airport. Each of them considered it, the benefits of turning away before they got in too deep, but kept their eyes on the cars racing in the opposite direction. 

Within half an hour they were pulling into Blaine’s street. Large houses lined the road, all with neat gardens and tasteful decor. There was no telling the difference in homes, aside from the gold plated letters on each door, numbers from 1-31. They stopped in front of number 17, the twinkling lights twisting through the bushes leading the way up the path to the door, and a wreath hanging on the grey door. It was understated, the simple twined branches and berries offsetting the light shade behind it, just like Blaine - something overlooked if you don’t try hard enough. 

They waited on the porch, wind causing their eyes to tear up, as someone shuffled around on the other side. It was freezing, the biting chill of Ohio air making their noses red in the short time they’d spent exposed to it, and Sebastian desperately wished he hadn’t packed his scarf in his suitcase. The door swung open, the sudden heat a stark change from the weather outside, and a short woman dragged them both indoors without preamble, gripping Blaine in a hug before the door had even closed. 

The boy blushed, cheeks turning a deeper red then they had from the cold, as his mother bundled him into a hug, bypassing Sebastian’s presence completely in favour of snuggling her youngest son. “Mom. Mom.” 

“What? Am I not allowed to hug you now or something, because I won’t stand for it Blaine Devon.” She replied, finally letting him breath. She startled slightly at the chuckle Sebastian attempted to stifle at the use of Blaine’s full name. “And who’s this?” 

Blaine ducked his head, shuffling towards the taller man and grabbing his hand to strengthen the statement they were about to make. “This is Sebastian, my… boyfriend.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m really sorry for the long wait but I’ve had a lot going on and I hope this chapter makes up for it. We get Blaine having a slight existential crisis and half naked Sebastian.

Blaine gripped the porcelain rightly, his knuckles turning to white as he breathed heavily. There was the distinct shuffling of Sebastian in the bedroom beside him, probably shifting around awkwardly since he’d been all but abandoned the second they got upstairs. He hadn’t meant to rush to the bathroom like that, run into it without a thought about leaving Sebastian to figure out what to do about the situation on his own. It was killing him, lying to his mother like this. She’d been devastated when he told her that he and Kurt were over, mourning the heartbreak of her little boy, and now he was keeping the truth from her to make himself feel better - something that wasn’t working. 

Glancing in the mirror, he took in the curls after the hecticness of the airport. The faded colour of his hazel eyes, and the sunken skin of his cheeks. He was tired. Tired of pretending that he was okay. He hadn’t been okay in a long time, and that was why he’d invited Sebastian. He wanted to feel like he mattered to someone - that he was a priority - and no one had ever made his feel like that so much as Sebastian back when they’d been schoolboys. He couldn’t avoid the gravity of the situation, that he’d pulled someone else into his mess and was making them deal with it themselves. That wasn’t him. Blaine Anderson never did anything without a plan and, if he was going to get this any semblance of right, he had to start somewhere. 

“You can hang your stuff in the closet, if you want. There’s more than enough room,” he gestured to the door on the far wall, opposite his desk, adjacent to the bed. “And you can shower first. I should probably go see my dad and Cooper anyway.” Sebastian nodded, a vague admission that he knew Blaine needed the time to think. That he had to figure out exactly what he was doing before they did anything. 

Blaine made his way downstairs after telling Sebastian that there were towels in the bathroom, taking in the photos he’d barely paid attention to as the years passed. Images that outlined his young life, the way it entwined with other people’s. There was him and Cooper, large grins and rosy cheeks, waving at the camera when he was about four. The Warblers surrounded him in some of them, sweaty but beaming, navy blazers and red piping bonding them to one another in a way they barely realised while they had it in their sights. There was his parents’ wedding photo (his favourite one) where they looked as if they were the only two people to ever exist in each other’s orbit. They were so in love back then, and still are, that it terrified him. That was all he wanted, that lifelong love his parents had been blessed with. Fate had a funny way of blessing him. 

Their laughter carried through the hallway, Dayna’s giggles partnered with a small shriek. He liked Cooper’s wife because she balanced him out in a way Blaine hadn’t thought anyone would ever manage, and it was great to hear her enjoying the company of his parents. He lingered in the doorway, a faint smile on his lips when Cooper tickled his wife with a grin, the sleeves of his christmas jumper pushed to his elbows. His mother was perched on his father’s lap, a dazed smile on her face, as she drank from her glass of white wine. 

They made quite the picture, so carefree, that he almost didn’t want to intrude. He didn’t want to interlope on what was no doubt an idyllic family portrait, and that set a pain deep in his stomach that he couldn’t help but recognise. It was uncannily familiar, the burning feeling that crawled up his spine. There was something about being an outsider to his own family that created a void within him, heated his chest without mercy. It wasn’t pain in the traditional sense, it was the harsh sting of jealousy that he’d been all too familiar with not that long ago. It threatened to escape him, from where he’d attempted to suppress it for much too long before, and he hated the way he had to try and swallow it down. Hated the way his throat stung. Hated the way his eyes prickled. 

“What are you just standing there for?” The sudden sharpness of his father’s tone brought reality crashing down behind him. It made the flood that had been working it’s way up his body lull into a calm so quickly that he struggled with getting his bearings. They were all staring at him, the crackling of the fire louder than his thoughts in the moment, than their silent questions. Not being able to hear them made him feel just that little bit better. 

“Come on, squirt. Sit down and drone on about your boyfriend until he comes downstairs.” Cooper said, dragging him over to the couch, narrowly avoiding a collision with the coffee table. He settled beside him, ignoring his protests, and coaxed him into explaining how he and Sebastian met. 

“We met at Dalton. It was nothing scandalous, Coop, just friendship. He joined the Warblers after I left and he was there when I dropped off the tickets for West Side Story,” Cooper wasn’t having it, and he bemoaned that Blaine was withholding information on purpose, purely to irritate him, much to the entertainment of his parents. “There’s nothing else to tell. Honestly.”

“Fine. Keep your secrets.” He imitated fainting, flopping uselessly onto the arm of the sofa. It gave Blaine that chance to stand, to escape to the sanctuary of his bedroom, for a little while. 

“I’m gonna go unpack. I’ll be down soon.” He almost ran to the stairs, pretending that he couldn’t hear Cooper demanding that he return. Despite everything, he did miss his brother when he wasn’t around. Something about his eccentricity made him much more interesting than the unpredictable New York weather, and it made for a decent trip home as well. 

He’s almost forgotten about Sebastian, about the fact that he’d let him shower when he went downstairs, and hoped that the other had taken clothes with him into the en-suite. That hope was squashed when he opened the door to his bedroom, his safe space when life tested him throughout his childhood, and was faced with the lines of Sebastian’s back. There was a towel tied low around his waist, the curve of his spine as obvious as the freckles that dotted his body. He hadn’t noticed him, the tune he was humming unfamiliar, and Blaine prayed that he could leave without Sebastian being any the wiser. Apparently, fate was a bitch and God wasn’t listening. 

“Hey, I didn’t realise you’d be up here so soon. I forgot to grab some clothes before I got in the shower.” Sebastian explained, but Blaine was too focused on the drop of water that worked its way down his torso. He was too focused on the ‘V’ of his hips. He was too focused on the fact that the man in front of him was very attractive, and he couldn’t do a damn thing about it. “Blaine.” 

“Huh? Oh right, clothes. No, that’s fine. I just came back up since Cooper can be a bit much,” he muttered, trying to control his breathing at the casual sight of Sebastian half naked in his childhood bedroom. It wasn’t like he’d never seen someone shirtless before, but it was the confidence that the other boy exuded, being so completely comfortable with his body, that attracted Blaine more than anything. “I’m gonna jump in the shower. Feel free to go downstairs if you want to.” 

He sighed the second the lock clicked into place. There was shame that burned his cheeks, to know that he’d stared gormlessly at Sebastian as though he were a starving man. Having Sebastian in his bedroom was different than any time he’d imagined. The reason more complex than any he’d dreamed in high school, on those nights when Kurt just wasn’t enough and phantom fingers had caressed his skin. On those nights when he’s been filled with embarrassment, but also lust, for the boy who flirted shamelessly with him. On those nights when he’d ignored the part of his brain that screamed about betrayal in favour of finding release. 

He stripped slowly, glancing in the mirror every so often as he waited for the water to heat up. His body was different too. There was more definition to his biceps and more width to his shoulders. His back was straight and his eyes were less lifeless than they had been an hour ago. He’d matured, as everyone does, and it scared him less than he’d expected. There was expectation that came with growing up, with experiencing your first heartbreak, with living your life and, if he tried hard enough, he could pretend that those expectations didn’t set him off balance just yet


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in as many days. I'm on a roll with this story at the minute and I still feel really guilty about abandoning this for as long as I did. This one is kind of a filler, but I promise we'll get to some good stuff soon. Enjoy.

The calmness that filled his bedroom when he got out of the shower, hair gelled and wearing a clean polo shirt, was such a contrast to the steam and warmth of his thoughts in the bathroom that he struggled with the change. It took him a few moments, taking note of Sebastian’s head resting on his desk, to accept that this was happening. The entire situation, up until now, could’ve been some mysterious idea his brain had conjured up because he was sleep-deprived, or on drugs. Unfortunately, he had slept for a few hours on the plane, and he’d never taken drugs. Sebastian was there, in his bedroom, and his family thought they were dating. 

“If you keep staring I’m gonna think you fancy me, Anderson.” 

Sebastian turned his head sideways, bright green eyes peering at him from under the hair that flopped into his eyes. He snorted when a blush worked its way up Blaine’s cheeks, the tips of his ears turning a noticeable pink as he stammered for a response. “Don’t worry. I won’t tell anyone.” 

“You’re absurd.” 

“Thanks for noticing,” Sebastian responded, sitting up straight. “Reckon we’ve hidden up here long enough that they think we’ve fucked?” 

“Sebastian! That’s- why would you- I can’t believe-” 

“Calm down. It was a joke,” he said, laughing loudly at the way Blaine turned his eyes down, away from rising of his shirt as he stretched. “I went downstairs twenty minutes ago. Your brother is… something. That’s for sure.” 

Blaine chuckled quietly, still recovering from everything Sebastian had said since he walked into the room. “Cooper’s a required taste.” 

“He told me that I was objectively handsome but I would look better if I just tried to look more like him.” Sebastian deadpanned. 

“He didn’t.” Blaine gasped. Cooper had always been bad, but that took the cake. 

“Oh, he did. And he told me that, although I clearly belonged at a prep school, it would make sense if my only dream was world domination,” he grinned. “Can’t say I disagree.” 

Blaine hummed in acquiescence. “You would be extremely likely to try your hand at overthrowing the government.” 

“I think it’s the hair.” 

“It’s definitely the hair.” 

A silence settled over them, this time more awkward. There was so much left between them from years ago, that they disguised with seductive winks or obscure questions, that Blaine doubted he’d even know what to say if he were to try now. They’d grown up, moved on, and their teenage years couldn’t get in the way of that. He knew, probably better than anyone, that living in the past would prevent him moving on. It would stop him in his tracks, carry him back to that place from so long ago, and he’d let it. He always did. It was why he’d stayed with Kurt as long as he had. It was why he’d struggled with settling into McKinley back in his junior year. It was why he’d invited Sebastian instead of anyone else for Christmas. He was drawn back to the past like he was losing a tug of war with history, and he barely had the strength to resist. 

“Well… we better get downstairs. Have some cookies.” Blaine said, shrugging when Sebastian raised an eyebrow. “I just really like gingerbread.” 

Maybe they hadn’t gotten anywhere. Maybe they were lying to themselves more than to his family. Maybe he was wrong, and they could talk the way they used to. He wanted that easy camaraderie back, and he was relying on the joy of Christmas (and a little bit of alcohol over the festive period) to make that a reality.

They walked down to the living room, Blaine’s heart pounding as he pointed various rooms out to Sebastian. It didn’t matter that the other had already met his parents or his brother. He panicked. The warm press of Sebastian’s fingertips against the base of his spine, and his steady voice muttering in his ear, stopped the rabid beats. Stopped him from breathing too heavily. Stopped him from running out as they passed the front door. 

He stopped just before they entered the room, Cooper’s voice having carried through the hall the entire journey, and let his gaze fall to the boy beside him. This was a friend giving up his Christmas to spend time with him, and that deserved some gratitude. Hesitating for only a second, not nearly long enough to fully question his actions, he balanced on his tiptoes and pressed a kiss to the taller boy’s cheek. The second his feet were planted firmly back on the carpet, heart still beating quicker than normal, he grabbed Sebastian’s hand and entered the room. 

“There you are. We started to wonder if you couldn’t smell the cookies.” His mother teased, eyes so much like his own lingering on his hand entwined with Sebastian’s, a soft smile making its way onto her face. 

“Of course I’m could. They smell better every year,” he assured her, winking cheekily and getting a laugh in return. “Why is there nowhere for us to sit?” His parents were sharing his father’s armchair, just as they had been earlier, and Cooper was stretched out on the sofa. Normally, they had a second sofa in the room, but they always moved it into the garage over the holidays so there was more room for the tree. He’d always thought it was weird, but his mother insisted and he wasn’t exactly known for saying no. 

“You could sit on the floor,” Cooper said, glancing up when his wife walked in and handed him another drink. He shuffled into a sitting position so she could join him. “Plenty of room there.” 

“Are you honestly going to make us sit on the floor?” Blaine asked. 

“Honestly… yes.” 

Blaine rolled his eyes. “You’re not getting any cinnamon rolls tomorrow.” He flopped down beside the coffee table, dragging the plate of cookies towards him and glaring at his brother. Sebastian eased down next to him, attempting to avoid knocking his knees into anything and smiled. He returned it before glaring at Cooper again. The other grinned secretively before yelling. 

“MOM, BLAINE’S TRYING TO RUIN CHRISTMAS,” he announced, shouting at the woman sat just a couple feet away from him. “MAKE HIM STOP BEING MEAN.” Pamela just laughed and winked conspiratorially at her youngest son. Blaine smiled widely, nose crinkling again as he stuck his tongue out at Cooper, prompting a laugh from the man at his side. 

Sebastian shook his head, his smirk less mean than when they’d been highschoolers and reached across him for a cookie. Maybe, Blaine thought, Sebastian would be just fine for Christmas.


	5. Chapter 5

The sunlight pierced his eyelids and blinked rapidly to ascertain where he was. The walls were familiar, the bedding the same as he’d had it before he moved out, and the picture of he and Cooper on the desk was the same as it had been since he was 12. The only difference was the light breathing on the back of his neck and the arm that rested around his waist, heavy and unnatural. Blaine tried to process the day before, figure out why he wasn’t alone in his childhood bedroom when Kurt definitely hadn’t joined him for Christmas. 

The soft “hey” that came from behind him was different, more relaxed than it normally was, and he tilted his head to the side to see Sebastian blink hurriedly. Sebastian. In his bed. Right. He’d expected to have a bigger reaction, to have forgotten that he’d invited the Dalton alum to his home as a fake boyfriend, but there was nothing. Just the rhythmic sound of the clock on his nightstand and their shared breathing. 

The night before nestled itself in his sternum, burrowed itself in his mind, and he was glad that he hadn’t drunk any of the eggnog Cooper had offered him. There’d been laughter, music and just sheer delirious joy as they ate cookies and his mother brought out the photo albums. Sebastian had snorted at the complete album of his competitions, 206 photos to be exact, but had commented on most of them - a cheesy line from a rom-com or a well-intended compliment - and he’d blushed like a schoolboy all over again. It had been so simple to let go with Sebastian at his side, to ignore the way that his father had never held so much interest in anything Kurt had said while they were together, and have fun with his family. 

“You alright, killer?” Sebastian said, his steady breath hitting Blaine’s cheek. He smiled. “I’m great.” 

They took their time getting ready, since his mother had been long past tipsy when she went to bed and Cooper was likely still sleeping because he was lazy. It was possible that his father was awake, looking over accounts at 8am, and that Dayna was making breakfast to feed a small army downstairs. When he’d first met her, he’d struggled to understand why she would put up with Cooper. She was pretty and a catch and even he knew that. She’d explained it in simple terms when he’d asked, enamoured with the idea of romance in unlikely places, and told him that they were in love. That Cooper made her laugh and she kept his ego from getting too big. That there was no reason for what she felt, but she’d be damned if she missed out on happiness because she was scared. 

Looking into the mirror as he gelled his hair, he watched Sebastian brush his teeth, and he thought he might finally understand what she’d ben telling him. He wasn’t in love with Sebastian, not at all, but he considered that it would be almost too easy to do so. To catch the green eyes of the man next to him, who barely paid any attention to his surroundings before 9am, and realise that love had gripped his heart in a steel grip and refused to let go. Blaine thought he could be okay with that. 

When they got downstairs, Dayna was dishing up the last bits of breakfast. She’d cooked eggs, bacon, sausages, anything they could want for breakfast really. As Blaine made his way over to the coffee machine, making Sebastian one first so he could behave like a civilized human being, Dayna hummed a tune to herself and left the kitchen to wake Cooper up (he assumed). After placing the mug in front of his ‘boyfriend’ and laughing at the way he drank half of it in one gulp, he passed him a plate. Together they made up their breakfasts, him adding a little bit of everything and Sebastian filling at least a third of his plate with bacon and sat down. 

“What’s the plan for today then?” Sebastian asked after swallowing his eggs. “Hallmark movies and ice skating?” 

“No,” he responded, ignoring the part of his brain that was telling him that that was the plan for tomorrow. “Today is baking. I’m making cakes, brownies and cinnamon rolls that Cooper can’t have.” 

“Ok. You want help or am I alright to go and see a couple of the guys that are back for the holidays. I think Trent’s in town and I kind of miss him when he’s not trailing along behind me.” 

“That’s mean. And Trent was your best friend. Don’t act like you didn’t love him.” Blaine laughed. Sebastian rolled his eyes with a smirk. 

“He wasn’t my best friend. He was just my study pal, Warbler teammate and had the spare key to my house just in case.” Blaine raised an eyebrow at that last part. Sebastian threw his arms up. “Fine. He was my best friend. Happy?” 

“Very.” 

Everything was quiet after that, the companionable silence nothing to worry about until Cooper came bounding down the stairs. He ruffled Blaine’s hair as he walked past, greeted Sebastian with a wave and grabbed himself a plate. “You baking today, squirt?” 

“Don’t call me that,” Blaine corrected automatically, brushing lint off his chinos. “I am baking today so you need to leave.” 

Cooper held a hand to his chest and gasped, his fork clattering against his plate. “Blaine Devon Anderson, how dare you accuse me, Cooper Richard Anderson, of something so vile as wanting to be in the same house as you while you make baked goods? Who do you take me for?” 

Sebastian tried to stifle his laughter, keeping his eyes fixed on his own food. This was what he’d missed out on as an only child, and it was hard not to react to that. Cooper pointed at him, poking him when he still didn’t look up, before continuing to point. “And you, are you going to hang around while the evil, menacing Blaine Warbler dons his apron and wields his wooden spoon?” 

“I-” He swallowed the chuckle that threatened to bubble to the surface. “I’m going out to catch up with a few friends. I’m not even going to be in this house until late afternoon.” 

“Perfect.” Cooper intoned, his gaze steely, but the twitch of his nose showed that he was trying just as hard as Sebastian not to laugh. 

“You guys do realise I’m still here, right?” Blaine said from by the sink, where he stood drying his dishes. When had he gotten up to do that? Sebastian could only imagine that his staring match with Cooper had gone on longer than he realised. “I don’t care what you do today but I want you both out by 11. I need the kitchen all day and neither of you are going to get in my way.” 

“Of course not, squirt. That would just be wrong on every level. We wouldn’t dare.” Cooper answered as he continued to shovel food into his mouth. Blaine chanced a glance at the kitchen door and then stuck his finger up at his brother. The responding gasp was so stupid that Sebastian couldn’t help but laugh at the absurdity of it all. 

“You too, Sebastian. I need this kitchen spotless before I start baking so I’m going to go wake mom up and check on dad. Finish eating and wash up before you go about your day. Thank you.” Blaine demanded, leaning down to give him a quick peck as he walked past. They’d decided the day before that they’d have to be casually affectionate, and it would just be wrong to not take advantage of that. That was why, as Blaine walked off, Sebastian saluted and wolf-whistled. Blaine’s embarrassed call of “Sebastian” when he heard him was the best thing he’d heard so far that day. 

“It’s nice to see him so happy again, you know. After Kurt, I wasn’t entirely sure we’d get him back.” The sudden seriousness of Cooper’s tone caused him to listen carefully. “It’s not that he was in the worst place mentally, we know what he’s like when he reaches that point, but it wasn’t great for him.” 

“He thought Kurt was his soulmate. They’d been together since before I met him, and that was years ago. It must’ve broken him to have to leave when he discovered that they couldn’t make it work.” As much as he had hated Kurt as a teenager, even he knew how much Blaine had loved the boy. For that to just be thrown away after so many years, well, he expected it wasn’t the easiest thing to cope with. 

Cooper sighed. “He just feels so much, so strongly, and so quickly that I worry. He baked last year, he always does, but it was two months after they split for good and he was ruined. He kept up with tradition because that’s how he is, but he was just going through the motions. We could all see it. I know a year can make a big difference, trust me I do, but I haven’t seen him smile that way in an abnormally long time. I guess I wanted to thank you for that.” 

“I haven’t done anything, Cooper. Blaine got himself back to this place. He worked towards that smile. That’s not on me.” He began to insist, unsure how to process this turn of events. 

“You’d think that, but I know every single one of my brother’s smiles. That’s not one I think I’ve seen since he became a Warbler. He feels like he belongs again like he has a home to go back to, and you are home to him, Sebastian. You can deny it all you want, but never once did he give Kurt that smile.” Cooper stood and put his dishes in the sink. He stopped and leaned in the doorway for a split second. “Think about what I’ve said. It’ll probably do you some good.” 

Sebastian must’ve sat there for forever, staring where Cooper had stood, and thinking about the implications of what Blaine’s brother had told him. Maybe, just maybe, Cooper Anderson wasn’t just a pretty face.


	6. Chapter 6

Blaine clapped his hands together, smile wide and eyes shining, and pressed play on the CD player. Every year he sent his mother the recipes and she bought him the ingredients in abundance. The kitchen table was filled with bags of flour, sugar and packets of eggs. This was a Christmas constant, something that hadn’t changed since he was 5. He and his grandmother used to hunt through his mother’s CD collection for the best of Christmas, and she’d instruct him on how to get the best out of every sweet treat he made. 

He missed her, more than he missed his grandfather for sure, and that came back to him each year. What had started as her teaching a boy wearing bowties from her brother’s collection became a bonding experience. It had led to her passing down her knowledge to her hopeless daughter’s second son, and it had led to her being the first person he told about being gay. When he’d told her, tears flowing down his rosy cheeks at 13 years old, and she’d pulled him into her embrace to explain that she loved him no matter what, that had been it. He would never love anyone more than his grandma, her sweet soul cuddling him until he accepted himself. Not Kurt. Not his parents. No one. That was the one person that would ever mean that much to him, and if reminding himself of her memory through cinnamon rolls was the way to go, then he’d do it. 

Singing along to ‘White Christmas’, he measured out his ingredients with precision. His hazel eyes a cesspool of concentration, and he was in the zone. He was 5 years old again, and she was guiding his hand to steadily pour the sugar. She was sitting him down and explaining why accuracy was the most important part of baking. She was smiling at him when he patted her cheeks with a hand covered in flour and a bow tie that would have been thrown away immediately after. 

Blaine combined the ingredients, recalling her humming along to ‘Let It Snow’ as he did the same thing at 23 years old. Remembering her telling him to have a firm hand when he kneaded the dough so that it could breathe. Remembered her pointing outside at the snow coming down heavy and telling him that maybe no one else would make it home on time for the treats to be ready and they could eat them all themselves. Remembered her patting the top of his head as he rolled the dough out flat and laughing when he pouted at the uneven lumps. 

He whistled the tune of ‘Mistletoe and Wine’ as he cut the log into circles to show off the swirl on the inside. Thought of all the times she’d unrolled the cut chunks to give them a more even swirl, a more attractive swirl. Thought of all the times she’d say the filling was the colour of his eyes, the colour of brandy. Thought of the way she’d flick a raisin at him as he stood precariously on a chair so he could see and made him laugh outlandishly. 

When they were in the oven, near-perfect cinnamon rolls, he stopped to glance at the mess. Over the years, he’d perfected the baking aspect of Christmas, the gift-giving, the music. He’d never managed to perfect the art of cleaning as he cooked, and it reminded him of the times he’d drag a damp cloth over the counter and he’d be sent away to change into clean clothes so his grandma could tidy up. She’d never taught him that, so he kept the mess until the very end, and accepted that that was the one part of Christmas he’d have to figure out himself. 

The afternoon passed in the same fashion, with bittersweet memories flooding his mind as he baked, heart aching the second ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ began to play. He refused to skip it, refused to let a song he loved be tainted by what had been a joyful memory. That wasn’t how he did things, and he wasn’t about to run and hide now. 

By the time Sebastian got back, hair a windswept mess and far more attractive than it should be, he’d cleaned every surface and dish he’d used. It wasn’t late, but he doubted anyone else would be home until later. His parents had gone to the theatre and Cooper had taken his wife somewhere. Blaine hadn’t been curious enough to ask, allowing Cooper his whimsical ways. 

“How’s Trent?” 

“He’s really good. He brought his new girlfriend home to meet the parents,” Sebastian said, hanging his coat on the peg beside the door. “I don’t think the Nixon’s are all too enamoured with her. You finished baking already?” 

Blaine nodded, gulping when Sebastian took his hand in his and told him to lead the way. No one was here, they didn’t have to pretend, but the other man’s hand was a warm weight that caused a tingle to climb up his arm and he decided to ignore the part of him that warned him that he was in trouble. 

“Can I have one?” Sebastian asked, gesturing at the plate of cookies on the counter. At his nod, the other picked up one in the shape of a snowman, inspected it in excruciating detail, and then bit into its head. “Sebastian!”

“Yes?” 

“You just killed the snowman.” 

“And he tasted pretty damn delicious too, so I’m not sorry.” 

Blaine chuckled at the ostentatious wink that followed the comment, picking up his own snowman and, instead of eating it, put it up to Sebastian’s face and raised his voice an octave. “I hope your happy, sir. You murdered a good man and, since you are much taller than I, I will let this slide. Know that, should you commit another crime against the men of Snow, I’ll have your head on a stick.” 

Sebastian blinked at the cookie in front of him. Then threw his head back and laughed loudly, stepping back so he could double over in amusement. It was such a stupid thing, and Blaine couldn’t help but join in. 

There was no telling how long they’d laughed, bent at the waist and clutching each other for support. It could’ve been seconds or minutes, but by the time only heavy breathing replaced their raucous laughter. When finally (finally) he had enough breath in his lungs to speak, Sebastian met his eyes and asked, “What the fuck, Blaine?” 

“You heard the man of Snow. You killed of theirs, a very agreeable man of society, and they’ve got their eyes on you,” he answered, his words hitching slightly as he tried to breathe properly. “I think you should watch your back from now on. They might really want your head on a stick, and I’m way too short to save you.” 

“You’re such a weirdo,” Sebastian muttered, pulling him for a hug. The taller wrapped his arms around Blaine, his thumb rubbing a circle on his hips as he did so. Blaine buried his head in the other’s chest, face still burning from their laughter, and inhaled slowly. Sebastian had always smelled nice, and Blaine could almost taste the spice and mint that surrounded him as they embraced. Sebastian rested his chin on top of his head, after dropping a small kiss there, and that was how Cooper found them. All in all, Blaine couldn’t regret inviting Sebastian over for Christmas, and if letting himself go with the flow had consequences, then that was a problem for another day. 

He leaned into Sebastian that night, long after everyone had gone to bed, and thought back on the last couple of days. Here was a person he’d longed to see for so long, that he’d lost because he was stupid and let his boyfriend control his friendships. Sebastian hadn’t had a reason aside from loneliness to take him up on his offer, and Blaine was sick of pretending that he didn’t want it to mean anything. It probably wouldn’t, not in the long run, but he wanted the sappy Christmas story. Even if he didn’t see Sebastian after the holidays, if they returned to New York and lived their separate lives, at least he’d be able to say he knew what he’d given up at 17.  
The soft snores from behind him lulled him somewhat. He couldn’t sleep, he wouldn’t be able to for a long time he suspected, and he couldn’t disturb Sebastian with constant shuffling. He crept out of the room, careful not to wake anyone, and hurried down the stairs. The kitchen light glowing at the end of the hall was a surprise, but he padded into the room with a plot for hot chocolate brewing in his mind. 

His father sat at the table, work spread out across it and glanced up when he entered. “You alright, Blaine?” 

“Fine. Couldn’t sleep,” he muttered, not willing to speak any louder. “Fancy a hot chocolate?” He pulled a mug down and waited until his father nodded to grab another one. He set about making it, barely registering his own movements since he’d done them so often in the past, and settled opposite his father when they were ready. 

“What are you working on?” He took a sip. It was a little sweet, but that was the only way to make hot chocolate at 1am. It didn’t matter if it was perfect. 

“Nothing major. The company’s thinking off opening another office up in Chicago. I’ve been going over the numbers for days. I think I’m starting to go cross-eyed,” his dad responded, massaging his temples. “You sure you’re ok, kid?” 

Blaine shrugged. “I was thinking about grandma earlier and I just haven’t been able to stop. What would she think of the way my life turned out? I get that I’m young, but I can’t help but think she’d be disappointed in me.” 

“Blaine, you’re grandma could never be disappointed in you. I think that every fear and every doubt you’ve had this year is manifesting into something bigger and you just need to talk about it.” His father said, blue eyes just like Cooper’s seeming to glance right through him. “I know I’m not exactly great advice, not the way she was, but talk to me. Tell me what’s really bugging you.” 

He paused. He missed his grandmother, yes, but would he be able to tell his father the racing thoughts that occupied his mind well enough for him to understand. Giving in, he sighed. “I’ve been lost for so long, dad. Since things got really bad between Kurt and me, I think, and I can’t shake the idea that she’d be upset that I took so long to come to my senses. It took me years to realise that our relationship was toxic, that I was giving him too much say in my life, and when I did, it took me forever to work up the courage to leave. After everything I’ve been through, I wonder if I’ve let her down by not standing up for myself sooner.” 

“You’re grandmother loved you, Blaine. I can assure, I made just as many silly mistakes when I was your age, probably worse actually because I lived a life full of privilege, and she never once considered me a disappointment. If she didn’t see me like that, she certainly never would’ve seen you that way.” His father took a slow sip of his hot chocolate, debating what to reveal next. “Think about how proud she’d be of you now. You’ve got a great thing going with the production company, and a great thing going with Sebastian. 

“You and he look at each other the way your mother and I did as kids. We were foolish, in love, and we grabbed our freedom with a hand each and held each other close as we flew. That’s what you need to do. Take what you have Blaine, your youth and your heart, and hold onto it for as long as you can. That’s the advice your grandma would give you, especially now. Live your life, Blaine, because you only get one and it’s too short to waste on worrying.” 

With that, his father placed his cup in the empty sick and left him with his thoughts. As he made his way upstairs, footsteps seemingly lighter than the sentences bouncing around his head, thudding against the edges of his brain, demanding they be heard. _Live your life, Blaine, because you only get one._ If he tried hard enough as he slipped under the covers and into bed next to Sebastian, he could hear his grandmother saying those same words to him when he was 14 and trusting her with his biggest secret. His father might be right after all. _Live your life._ That was exactly what he was going to do.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This features ice-skating and an O/C from Blaine's childhood

“Why are we at the ice rink?” 

Blaine grinned over his shoulder as he got out of the car, hurrying away when Sebastian moved to grab his wrist to hold him back. Even though he’d always gone ice skating as a child, as a way to bond with his mother, in recent years he’d only gone with Kurt. They’d come here, sing into the night as they swooped between children with matching grins, and fall in love just that little bit more. Last year, he hadn’t gone at all. 

“Keep up, Smythe.” He said, running over to where he could rent the skates. This year he’d vowed to be stronger, to not let a setback (no matter how heartbreaking it had been) stop him enjoying the life he had. Too many times he’d almost lost it, lost his ability to breathe, to see, to live, and he wouldn’t ignore the chance he had now. Maybe that was why he’d so readily invited Sebastian to his home for Christmas, he’d wanted the opportunity to breathe easy and smile easier, and that was something the boy had always managed to make him do. 

He sat on the bench to replace his shoes with the skates, turning his head to the side to watch Sebastian approach with a shake off his head. The taller may have complained about not knowing where they were headed, or the entire concept, but he would join him soon enough. Blaine was sure of it. Taking off the moment Sebastian was close enough to see him clearly, he laughed as the other yelled his name. 

He glided onto the ice, the smooth surface carrying him between families and couples, with a practised ease. Ever since he’d been 7 and his mother had let him on the ice alone for the first time, he’d embraced the wind against his face, the rush of air past his ears, the occasional hit of a snowflake on the tip of his nose. The polished floor beneath him carried him effortlessly - it was uncomplicated compared to the thrill of a choreographed dance and straightforward than the emotions that came with singing his heart out. Ice skating was something that cleared his mind, so unencumbered with the heaviness of the world, and he took advantage of that as often as he could. 

The hand that landed on his shoulder brought him out of his thoughts, caused him to open his eyes to the situation and acknowledge that the man trailing his fingers down his arm was just Sebastian. He allowed the movement, creating a hazy buzz in his brain that wasn’t often present, and twined his fingers around the other’s when they met. 

“So, are you gonna tell me why we’re ice skating now?” Sebastian asked, pulling him along through the crowds. 

“Because I want to?” 

“And that’s all?” 

He laughed as Sebastian lifted his arm, twirling him underneath with ease. It was a serene action, something that barely required thought, and Blaine smiled at the innocence of it. He hadn’t expected such a chaste action from Sebastian, a barely-there flirt attempt, and it warmed him. More than the warmth of Sebastian’s palm in his, or the one rising up his face at the cheeky grin the other sent him. 

They stayed like that for a while, Blaine’s hand in Sebastian’s larger one, grinning like fools as they skated. He skated backwards for a while, laughing when Sebastian pulled him forward to avoid colliding with a child that went barrelling past and burying his face in the other’s chest. Sebastian spun them around, chuckles carrying through the winter air when Blaine began to hum a tune to the time of their turns. Somehow, subconsciously, they skated to a choreographed routine, undiscovered in the realm of possibilities he had considered from today. 

“What are we doing after this then?” Sebastian asked as they moved past this young couple that kept sharing shy smiles. “Got some exciting holiday tradition for us to partake in this evening?” 

“No actually,” Blaine responded, looking up through his lashes at the taller man. “Nick and Jeff called earlier while you were in the shower. They’ve invited a bunch of former Warblers over.” 

Sebastian nodded, pulling him closer and letting go of his hand to wrap it around his waist. “Can we at least stop for coffee first?” 

“Obviously.” 

They stopped at the cafe on the corner of Blaine’s road, somewhere he’d never taken Kurt. If he had ever been asked to choose between Aida’s and the Lima Bean, Aida’s would win every time. The decor was more homely and the staff much more friendly. Sebastian hummed when they sat down at a table in the corner, taking in the area with interest. 

“Here’s your coffees, Blaine,” Aida said as she passed him the to-go mugs he and Sebastian favoured over mugs. “Pop over and talk when you get the chance, yeah? Arlo’s missed you like crazy.” 

“Of course I will,” He grinned at her. His dad had taken him here for the first time when he was 5 and Aida was just a couple of years older than him. She’d taken him under his wing in the years that followed, offering to look after him whenever Cooper had adamantly refused, and her love of music had inspired him. 

She’d introduced him to her aunt, a twenty-something woman from Louisiana, when he was 6. Aunt Elena, who was in her forties now, had honed his love of music from that point; she’d taught him to play the piano and the guitar and invited him to dinner far more often than was probably practical. They’d taken him in, even after he’d spent most of the summer following him coming out in the cafe, and Aida had made sure he knew that they would welcome him with open arms if he ever needed a place to stay. 

Aida had taken the cafe over from her grandmother just after Blaine had left for New York, remodelling it to suit her style more than the conservative approach that had worked before. He’d gone to the funeral, not inviting Kurt since he’d never bothered introducing them, and mourned with the family that would’ve been willing to take him in if it was necessary. She’d left him a book full of recipes, ones that she’d developed over the years, and he’d not wanted to keep it. Blaine would never say he was hopeless in the kitchen, but he wouldn’t be able to do the meals the justice they deserve. 

Aida had insisted he keep it, refusing to take it even when he begged, claiming that her grandmother gave it to him for a reason. The recipes could benefit Aida far better than him, but she slammed the door in his face when he insisted on giving it to her for the fourth day in a row. _“She wanted you to have it, Blaine,” She’d said. “It would be completely wrong of me to take it. Maybe none of us will ever know why she chose to leave it to you, but I am telling you she didn’t do it without thinking it through. You were as much a part of this family as me, or Arlo, or even Aunt Elena, and you’d do well to remember that Gram loved you.”_

“Tomorrow then?” She asked, hurrying back to deal with the short line that formed. 

“Tomorrow.” He yelled back, turning his gaze back to Sebastian who’d sat there sipping on his coffee as they spoke. The way the light illuminated his eyes, unlike emeralds or firs or evergreens, ensnared Blaine. Sebastian’s eyes had always given him away, so bright when he was filled with joy and dimmed with regret when he apologized in the Lima Bean all those years ago. Blaine never could shake that cold sight, of Sebastian so broken, like cracked jade, and he’d carried it with him since. 

“Friend?” he asked, nodding his head over to where Aida was laughing at the customer she was serving. 

“Family,” Blaine answered and, if he were being honest, the understanding nod Sebastian gave him filled his chest with more warmth than their hand-holding from earlier or the coffee he gulped it could ever have managed to do.


	8. Chapter 8

They joined Blaine’s parents for dinner that evening, Sebastian and his father discussing the latest in politics, and his mother talking about some new recipe she was thinking of trying out. It was domestic in a way he was still coming to terms with. His mother had always liked Kurt well enough, and his father had never outright ignored his presence, but neither of them had taken to him the way they had Sebastian. Maybe it was that Sebastian had been raised the same way he had, with expectations far too high to reach and surrounded by people that might never accept them for who they were. 

He hadn’t resented Kurt his family, the love Burt Hummel clearly had for his son despite everything, but Sebastian understood the slow process that had come with coming out to a family that could be classed as conservative. He’d risked everything when he’d sat his mother and father down (Cooper had just moved out to L.A. and hadn’t wanted to come home) and told them that he liked boys. That he didn’t feel anything for girls. That he wasn’t what they wanted him to be. His father had gone still, glass of whisky in hand, and fixed him with a steely gaze. Nothing had been said, his mother’s eyes swivelling between them before his father placed his glass down and left. The slam of the door still rang in his ears when he thought back on that night. 

His father had taken time, had had questions, and tried to bond with him regardless. His choices weren’t the best when it came to showing Blaine that he didn’t mind him being gay, starting with building the car, but when he’d sat beside him in the hospital that year and told him everything through tears, Blaine couldn’t stay mad. His father loved him and, though nothing came of it, he was willing to try and get justice for his son. Blaine wasn’t entirely sure, even now, that his father knew that that night, days after the Sadie Hawkins dance, he had heard him. Recognised the low murmur of his voice as he repeated “I love you” into his blankets, tears soaking his immobile hand. 

Smiling across the table at his parents, still so in love after so many years, and Sebastian he couldn’t help but wonder how different he would be now if he and Kurt had given up the last time after he cheated. It was possible, really, that Sebastian wouldn’t be here at all. That he’d be married to someone that he met in New York, or maybe he’d move out to L.A. with Cooper and spend his days avoiding relationships altogether. Sebastian met his gaze and smiled slightly, prompting a tiny grin in response. Maybe he wouldn’t be here with Sebastian now but, in all honesty, he was extremely glad he was. 

They knocked at Nick and Jeff’s at 8 on the dot, since Sebastian refused to show up anywhere before he was sure other people would be there and Blaine hated doing anything at an unreasonable time. When Sebastian teased him about it (they’d shown up at 7:58 and he’d refused to get out of the car) he’d just stuck his tongue out and focused studiously on his watch as the seconds ticked by. 

“You guys made it,” Nick greeted when he swung the door open. He pulled Blaine into a hug, trying to ruffle his neatly gelled hair until the shorter tapped on his chest and muttered about suffocating. “We weren’t sure you would.” 

“You know what I’m like. Can’t go anywhere until the party’s in full swing.” Sebastian winked, giving Nick a quick hug as he ushered them in. 

“About that. How come you two are here together? Not that it’s a problem but…” he shrugged, guiding them into the kitchen. “It’s sort of unexpected.” 

Blaine snorted into the beer Nick handed him, trying to ignore the guilt that threatened to climb up his throat. Sebastian just placed a hand on his hip, thumb creating small circles over his henley, and answered. “We’re dating, Nick. Is it really that shocking?” Nick almost choked on his drink. 

“You, Sebastian Smythe, are in a relationship?”

“Is it that hard to believe?” 

The voice that responded didn’t come from inside the kitchen, but from the blond lingering in the entrance. Jeff walked into the room, patting Blaine on the shoulder before sitting on the counter behind Nick. “Kinda. You never were big on the dating scene, Sebastian. Can you blame us?” 

Blaine chuckled and looked up at Sebastian. “You’re reputation precedes you.” The taller boy nodded. “So it does.” 

“Not that we’re not happy for you guys because we are. We all saw this coming, but since when was this a thing?” Nick asked hesitantly, brown eyes flipping between both of them even as Jeff pulled him back to stand between his legs. 

Blaine admired them for a moment, a blissful couple that he’d known since he was 14. At Dalton, they’d been his closest friends aside from Wes. After the slushie incident, he’d been more hurt by their betrayal than anyone else. At Regionals, he’d pulled them aside and forgiven them, even if they hadn’t said sorry yet because he couldn’t bear to not have them in his life. They were his brothers - he refused to lose that because of a stupid prank gone wrong. There was so much love between them, in the way Jeff pressed a quick kiss to the back of Nick’s ear and the way Nick rested his hand on Jeff’s thigh. They were so in love, so content with one another, that his heart sank in his chest. 

He was happy for them, had been the first to point out how much they loved each other at 15, but watching them made him realise that that wasn’t something he’d ever had. Never had Kurt pressed a simple kiss behind his ear for no reason other than that he wanted to, and never had he just leaned into Kurt to try and show how united they were. That casual love, that didn’t need acknowledgement, hadn’t existed between them. Grand gestures had been what they had, red and yellow roses, arguing over theatre. 

“- And here we are.” Sebastian finished, having answered whatever had been asked. He couldn’t remember and, even if he could, he doubted he would’ve been able to tell it after his spiral just now watching his closest friends. He leaned into Sebastian, relishing the way the grip around his waist tightened, and the green eyes he’d always found so beautiful searched his own for answers. 

“I’m okay,” he whispered, ignoring the silent exchange between Nick and Jeff as they watched them. Sebastian nodded, but his grip didn’t waver. They stayed there for a couple of minutes, just enjoying being together again, before Trent stumbled into the room, obviously pissed already, and yelled, “Sebastian.” It was already shaping up to be a pretty decent night. 

At around 10, he thought, his bow tie went missing. He was steadily on his way to drunk, and he hadn’t had this much fun in a while. Wes had been nominated to make sure he didn’t get too bad, since he had the most experience, and he wasn’t doing very well if Blaine had already lost his bow tie. Sebastian was off somewhere with Thad, probably playing something like beer pong or arguing over lacrosse results. 

There was music blasting and he was free. There hadn’t been many chances for him to let loose since graduating, and Blaine wasn’t about to pass up the chance to have fun with his friends. His hair was beginning to unstick from the gel because of the sweat, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. These were people that had seen him at his worst, lacking confidence and still recovering, and still loved him. It would be wrong of him to care about his hair when surrounded by people that cared about him no matter what. 

By 11, he couldn’t be sure exactly, he had enlisted Nick in begging Sebastian to perform ‘Uptown Girl’ with him, since Wes had never got a chance to watch it. David was catcalling them as they danced, and Jeff was trying to add more flips than before to the routine. Sebastian was laughing raucously when Trent started to talk about Gap Attack in excruciating detail and demanded they perform it. Luckily, the alcohol in his system thought it would be entertaining, and he even leapt on the coffee table to give Sebastian the authentic experience. 

Sebastian stuck to his side after that, taking over from Wes and exchanging any drink he was given for water. It sobered him up a little, as did Sebastian’s proximity, and Blaine couldn’t help but be enamoured with the actions of the man beside him. It was interesting to see Sebastian so open, with a real smile on his face as opposed to a constant smirk. His freckles stood out in the lighting of the kitchen, and the brightness of his eyes whenever he glanced down to where Blaine was tucked into his side. 

At 1, Nick insisted on calling them a taxi. Blaine had gravitated more to tipsy than drunk since drinking water, and Sebastian wasn’t sober enough to drive. The taxi ride was spent with Blaine’s head resting on his shoulder, and the quiet hum of the world passing by. “You alright, killer?” 

Blaine tilted his head up, thoughts lingering on the handsome man acting as his pillow. In the years gone by, he’d never thought he’d be leaning on Sebastian Smythe a few days for Christmas. His mind had constructed an ideal life with Kurt by his side, Kurt joining his family for the holidays, Kurt being his pillow in a taxi late at night. Kurt may have been what he’d imagined, but with the way Sebastian was trailing the tips of his fingers across his thighs was where his attention laid. “‘m fine.”

When he tripped on the stairs as they walked up to his bedroom, and Sebastian used it as an excuse to cop a feel, Blaine couldn’t stifle the laugh that escaped him. The second they tumbled into his room, Sebastian holding onto him so he didn’t fall, he was sure that he’d never felt more at peace. There was no inner turmoil that had come with drinking in the past, no doubts or questions in his mind. Sebastian was keeping an arm around his shoulders, and Blaine admitted to himself that this was the most he’d felt like himself in a year. 

Sebastian walked across the room, leaving him to shut the door, and grabbed them both some pyjamas. Blaine watched him go, all lithe limbs and confident moves, and rested against the door behind him. They’d had a lot of fun tonight, just being as young as they were, and he smiled softly when the other man threw his clothes across the room. They hit his chest and Sebastian grinned when they fell to the floor and Blaine just stared at them in dismay. 

“You gonna pick ‘em up, killer?” he asked, approaching with a smirk. He stepped over the pyjamas on the floor and rested his palm next to Blaine’s head. 

“No. I don’t think I will.” 

A long finger twirled around a loose curl resting on his forehead and he exhaled gently. In the dim light of his bedside lamp he couldn’t make out the exact colour of Sebastian’s eyes - whether they were the colour of grass in the spring or if they’d darkened into something more intense. His breath was hot on his face, the distinct smell of vodka mixed with something simply Sebastian, and Blaine basked in it. His hair was ruffled from where he’d taken his sweater off. His nose was skewed slightly to the left where he’d broken it at 12 years old. His shoulders were strong under Blaine’s hands. They stood there, eyes meeting in the darkness, and breath mingling. 

“I kind of want to kiss you,” Sebastian whispered, readjusting his hand to rest his palm against Blaine’s cheek. Blaine peered up from under his eyelashes, inhibitions not gone but not nearly holding him back enough to care at the moment. 

“So kiss me.” 

And he did.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They talk. That's all that happens. But it's very personal, okay. Just... go with it please.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am sorry that it's taken so long to add a chapter to this but oh well. Things happened. I burnt myself out. I failed a test. A dozen other problems that mean nothing to you or me. Let's just get on with it, shall we?

He doesn’t let a conversation stem between them until they’re sat in his car on their way to the mall, his mother and father no longer hovering around and teasing them for being hungover. Sebastian has tried to breach it, to say his peace about the night before. But he can only consider the consequences. He can’t deal with them yet. 

“Are you going to talk to me at all today?” 

It’s not fair. Except it is. He’s done nothing but avoid Sebastian, dodge his every attempt at making eye contact with a harried excuse. 

“We can’t spend the holidays like this, Blaine.” 

“I know that.” He’s gripping the steering wheel with an unnecessary amount of strength, knuckles turning white. “I just- I need time to sort myself out.” 

Sebastian’s sigh fills the car. He hadn’t bothered to turn on the radio, hadn’t been prepared to drag his attention off the other cars on the road. “Do you regret it?” 

He wants to tell him yes, wants to should about how terrible a mistake he had made. That it only happened because he was drunk and lonely and, yes, he had missed sex. But he promised himself when he left Kurt that he couldn’t lie in a relationship again, that they’d both end up more hurt than either should, and he can’t break it. 

“No,” he flicks his gaze across to Sebastian. HIs jaw is clenched and, if he were driving, Blaine would be frightened the wheel would snap. “I don’t regret it.” 

“Then what is there to talk about?” 

“I just…” _I just expected it to be Kurt I spent Christmas with. I just expected to spend the holiday season with a man who loved me. I just expected you to leave._ “I just didn’t see it coming, I guess.” 

He turns left into the parking lot, concentrating on his search for a free spot instead of Sebastian’s reaction. He’s not sure it’s something he wants to see. He doubts he’ll like it. 

When he switches the radio off, the steady hum of background noise that had made the car remotely comfortable, he settles back into his seat, begging to sink into it and just disappear. They can’t go any further, can’t pretend that any part of them is okay, without sorting this out, much as he wishes they could, so he has to wait for Sebastian to speak. 

“You know I like you, right?” 

Without static, without the engine or other cars passing, the silence is stifling. He’s warm from head to toe, under a cardigan and warm coat, but it’s the kind of cold creeping through his bones. The kind of cold that comes from his soul. That stems from love and embarrassment and being so totally unsure of his own expectations. 

It’s not a new feeling - he’s familiar enough with it to know which parts of him will never warm - but Sebastian’s never been the cause. Not really. 

It was always Kurt’s thing. 

“I mean it, Blaine,” Sebastian continues, heaving in a breath and tapping his fingers on the dash. “I wouldn’t have agreed to spend Christmas with you if I didn’t.”

“I did kind of push you into it.” 

“You didn’t,” A deep sigh. A huffed laugh. “I never could say no to you, killer.” 

He can feel the blush clambering up his cheeks, fighting it’s way from his chest to his collarbone to the tips of his ears. And he hates it. Hates that he’s embarrassed, that he barely knows how to take a compliment any longer. 

“That doesn’t seem like you.” 

“It’s not.” 

All he wanted was to move on. Move on from Kurt, And college. And the parts of his past best left behind. But Sebastian was there and supposed to spend Christmas alone and, as he found last night, could draw him in with nothing but green eyes and a nice laugh when alcohol bubbled in his lower stomach. 

“We can’t have this conversation here,” Sebastian says and Blaine finds himself nodding along. They’re alone in a car but there are children walking in front of the windshield and men carrying half a dozen bags and people going about their lives like his hasn’t tilted on it’s axis. “We’ll talk about it for real this time - but we both have shopping to do.” 

“You’re right.” 

“When aren’t I, killer?” 

*

He does his shopping, picks a gift out for Sebastian that he thinks he’ll like and extras for his parents. A bottle of perfume for his mother, candy for Cooper, a tie for his father. 

He’s done his best this year, built himself back into the Blaine he was before he and Kurt broke up. Christmas was his second favourite holiday, very nearly overthrowing Valentine’s in recent years for all the luck he’d had with it, and he was determined to make it the best yet. 

No part of him isn’t grateful for Sebastian’s support over the holidays. He’s laughed more, acted like a teenager again just because it was a possibility. It wasn’t until he was verging on hysterical in his kitchen with a fake boyfriend that he remembered how much fun he was supposed to have. How much fun he was _allowed_ to have. 

It makes everything alright again. 

*

Crossing his legs as he waits for Sebastian to get out of the shower after dinner, Blaine briefly considers sleeping in the spare room. His parents would ask questions, Cooper too no doubt, but it would limit any residual temptation coursing through him. 

It’s the way he’s always been - caught up on anyone that makes him feel special, that makes him feel attractive - and Sebastian always had been the worst offender. 

He hears the door click open, Sebastian drying his hair off. He’d made sure he brought his pyjamas into the bathroom. Anything else would be unacceptable. 

It’s not fair that the other man is still so attractive. That he’s charismatic and passionate and great with Blaine’s parents. It’s not fair that Blaine wants to bury himself in Sebastian’s warmth, fold himself into his arms and forget that the world exists. 

“Are we going to talk now?” 

“We should,” he concedes, shifting to make room on the bed beside him. Sebastian smells like soap and shampoo and that scent that’s so distinctly him. It’s intoxicating. “I just don’t know what to say.” 

“Well, you said you don’t regret it. Did you mean it?” 

He lets his fingers tangle in the curls resting against his forehead. A useless attempt at holding onto whom he had been. “Of course I meant it. I wouldn’t lie about something like that,” Turning his head towards Sebastian, he bites his lip. This shouldn’t be his Christmas. “I suppose I’m just worried what you think about it.” 

“What do you mean?” 

There’s hurt there, something sad and bordering on angry. It’s so easy to forget that Sebastian isn’t the teenager he knew anymore. That he’s grown into his thoughts and feelings and slightly snarky personality. 

“You’ve been aiming for this since we met in high school, Sebastian. You need to understand that I’m scared now that you’ve gotten what you wanted.” 

“Did you just expect me to sneak out of the window before you woke up or something?” 

He shakes his head quickly, choking back the tears prickling at his eyes. “That’s not what I meant at all. But I can’t just move on from what happened last night. Not the way you probably can.” 

“I can’t just move on from this, Blaine,” his fingers find Blaine’’s, their hands warm and heavy against his comforter. “There’s a reason I let you bring me home for Christmas.” 

“Because Trent told you that I make excellent cookies?” 

“Because I like you.” He holds his breath as Sebastian lifts their hands, turns the back of Blaine’s to kiss his palm. The romantic in him swoons, drifts into Sebastian’s arms and makes him desperate to pull away. He doesn’t. “Because I’ve liked you for years and I thought this might be my only chance to prove it to you.” 

“That’s so stupid,” he says, scratching his thigh with his free hand. “You aren’t stupid.” 

“You make me stupid.” 

He rolls his eyes, fighting the smile dangerously close to breaking out across his face. Sebastian had been everything he came to expect - flirty and fun and fantastic in bed - but also sweet and caring and incredibly kind when he wanted to be. 

He twists his body fully to face the other man, raising his free hand to Sebastian’s cheek. He strokes it gently, staring into his eyes as if they’d tell him not to fall too quickly. But he’s swept up in the romance of the holidays. In the heart and beauty of the festive season. 

Even if it’s just for now, just until they go their separate ways. He’s allowed to have fun. A good time. 

“That’s such a cheesy line, Smythe.” 

And before he can talk himself out of it, before he can think through consequences and Kurt in New York and Cooper just a wall away, he leans in. 

He can feel Sebastian’s breath hitch, can feel the clench of his jaw beneath his fingertips, can feel the softness of his lips under Blaine’s own. 

In the warmth of his bedroom, with a pretty boy that likes him for all he is and has been, he’s happy to give himself over to his rom-com moment. 

He’s earned it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm at love-that-we-were-in on tumblr.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _Everything between them settles after that. They laugh and share stories and exchange kisses that Blaine basks in like sunshine after a storm. Sebastian smiles wider, cracks jokes that don’t always insult the people around him, and is just a genuine joy to be around._

Everything between them settles after that. They laugh and share stories and exchange kisses that Blaine basks in like sunshine after a storm. Sebastian smiles wider, cracks jokes that don’t always insult the people around him, and is just a genuine joy to be around. 

His mother points it out on Christmas Eve while they make hot cocoa in the kitchen. How he seems happier in the last few days than since he touched down in Ohio, Sebastian in tow. She’s clarified about how it’s a newfound happiness, one that burst out of his pores and lights up a room. And, though he hasn’t been unhappy with Sebastian here, they seem to have reached a new level of comfortability with each other. It reminds her of his father when they were caught in the first throws of love. 

She also asks directly if it’s because they had sex. 

Christmas Eve passes quickly, Cooper singing songs too loudly and Dayna swaying to them despite the off timing. He finds himself leaning into Sebastian, into the good thing they have going until the end of the year. 

They each open a gift at midnight, a tradition passed down in his father’s family for years. His mother unwraps a scarf from Cooper; his father pries open a box to reveal new reading glasses from his wife. Sebastian passes him a neatly wrapped box, small and lightweight, and takes his own trinket from Blaine’s father. 

It’s a new bow tie, one with gingerbread cookies printed on an icy blue fabric. It’s Christmassy and a reminder of the little time they’ve had so far. It’s the jolliest gift he’s received in a long time, something silly that he can wear when he’s baking or ice skating or just missing the holiday season. He kisses him softly on the cheek in thanks and, despite all the pecks and more that they’ve shared, it’s more intimate than they’ve ever been. 

Sebastian’s present is a new book, one he mentioned to his father on their first night in the house. It’s simple, impersonal, but it’s a show that he listened. That he took Sebastian’s interests into account. It’s all really quite wonderful. 

He falls asleep tucked into Sebastian’s arms, wrapped in his warmth to battle the cold frosting the windows. He falls asleep tucked into a person that feels like home. 

*

As usual, Cooper takes it upon himself to disrupt everyone’s mornings. To wake them at seven, ignoring their groaning about his age and how he should be past this. To demand they open gifts immediately. Once Cooper dives into his bed, settling in on top of him and Sebastian instead of anywhere else, he gives up completely on more sleep. On peace and quiet. 

“I’ll put some coffee on,” he tells Sebastian when the man squints up at him, Cooper noisily bounding down the hall towards their parents room. “Don’t bother showering yet.” 

Sebastian’s brushed his hair when he comes downstairs, gratefully accepting the mug Blaine offers him. It’s cute that he’s self conscious about it, that he can ignore the mop on Blaine’s head yet detest his own being awry. Most things about him are cute. 

“We’re still waiting for dad to join us,” he explains, taking Sebastian’s free hand. Cooper is sifting through the presents under the tree, tinsel wrapped around his neck like a feather boa. The tree looks bare with the missing decoration. “He’s normally the worst to drag out of bed.” 

Sebastian shakes his head, cheeks still kissed pink from where he’s warmed in his sleep. Blaine traces his fingers along the faint lines from the comforter on his arm. “I don’t mind.” 

His dad stumbles into the room ten minutes later, requesting a coffee or eight more hours of sleep. Or cursing Cooper’s existence. Possibly all three. It takes him all of five minutes to drain his mug and, with caffeine in his system, he begins to boss Cooper around, telling him exactly who’s presents are who’s. They’ve got labels on, but he likes the dynamic. 

“This ones for Blaine,” Cooper says, pushing it along the floor with little interest. “This one’s for mum.” 

“Get on with it, Cooper,” his father barks, a second coffee in hand. There may be a shot of whisky in it - he didn’t check. “That ones not for you. It’s Sebastian’s.” 

Eventually they all have their piles of presents, Cooper’s somehow larger than the rest. It makes no sense, how even when they aren’t children desperate for new toys, his brother still has the ability of getting every last thing he wants. 

It’s a mess of paper. Of sellotape and labels and a single trash bag that he’s itching to put everything into. He likes to be clean. 

“Was this grandad’s watch?” He asks his father when he carefully removes the paper, shoving it into the bag he’d pulled to the edge of his seat. It’s just easier that way. Less mess. 

“I thought it was time you have it,” his father nods. “He always said he’d prefer it go to you when you were ready.” 

It’s too nice of a moment for Cooper not to interrupt, not to question his grandfather's decisions. “What did grandad ever give me?” 

“I think he gave you a slap once.” 

"Shut up!"

The rest of the gifts are opened. Jewellery for his mother and Dayna. The tie he bought his father and some cufflinks he saw in a store on his way to work. Cooper gets headphones and box sets and new clothes and gift cards. He gets the watch, a gift not from his father but his grandfather in so many ways, another few bow ties (more sensible this time) and Sebastian gifts him a stupid snowman teddy that he actually really does like. 

It’s not until after the New Year that he hears the message stuffed inside. 

They drink and giggle and enjoy a fabulous dinner. They cuddle and kiss and, when his mother insists on family photos, he refuses to do anything until Sebastian joins them. No matter what happens, he’s family right now. 

They fall into bed well after midnight, tired and tipsy. He’s just awake enough to be alert, to go for what he wants for one of the only times in his life. He falls asleep, sated and spent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm at love-that-we-were-in on tumblr :)


End file.
